Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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