Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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