that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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