and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
