CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
