I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
