I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
