"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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