drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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