Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
