remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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