i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
