the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
