I love black thongs
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize