i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
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I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
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i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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