I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
