i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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