you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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