At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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