That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
