Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
