I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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