bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
