I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
