At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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