Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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