I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
