The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
