So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
