whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
