dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
