dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
