My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
