You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
