Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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