im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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