TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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