Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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