I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
