you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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