Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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