I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
