paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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