just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
