Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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