wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
