Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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