Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
