He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
