could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
