She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
