i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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