Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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