Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
40s are totally the cure
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
