they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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