Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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