Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
