i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
