Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think my moral compass just broke
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
