The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
