Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
