she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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