so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
