Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
