when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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