So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
