Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
