Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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