whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
