you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
