6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
zippers are such a cool invention
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
