all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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