Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She needs sedatives and a leash
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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