So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
