The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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