I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
