dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
