Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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