My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
