TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
