make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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