At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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