Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
