it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
