its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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