i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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